Collar 101

BDSM 101: COLLARS

If you are attending a Leather/BDSM Event and you see someone wearing a piece of neck jewelry or other symbol that appears to indicate a Dominant/submissive (D/s) dynamic or relationship, simply ask during conversation, “Is that a collar or some other piece of jewelry? What is its significance?” Most people will be happy to tell you about the significance of their collar if you approach them politely.  Sometimes the collar signifies ownership or a D/s relationship, sometimes it’s just a fashion collar or sometimes a play collar used for a scene or evening of D/s play scenes.

Once you’ve determined the significance of the collar worn, you’ll be better able to assess how to proceed in an informed fashion while respecting the person you are speaking with and their consensual relationship protocols. Do NOT touch the collar (or person) without first having explicit permissions granted from the owner of a collar as that can often be a Consent violation. DO NOT tug someone by their collar or assume it is there for you to drag them around the room.  That is not an example of Domination, that is simply being an asshat.

Some Dominants prefer you ask them permission to play with their collared submissive, others give latitude at play parties. The bottom line is that it is always best to ask so you avoid breach of protocol and maintain Consent.

Furthermore, if you are someone who wears a collar it is up to you to explain the significance and appropriate protocols to others unless you have been directed otherwise by the collar’s owner.

I hope this demystifies the collar a bit and makes everyone more comfortable talking to each other to negotiate hot, consensual play.

This post was written by Michael Sanders for blackBOOTS.  BDSM 101 are a series of small posts about topics pertaining to BDSM culture/lifestyle.  If you have questions, please post below.  You can find out more about blackBOOTS by visiting their page here.

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